A Complete History of Beauty

mr and mrs smith

My dear, I comprehend beauty.

Have you ever witnessed the beauty of an egg being poached?
Have you ever listened to the greasy screams of chips as they fry?
Or the death cry of the beetle under the nip of a shrew?

My dear, we’re beautiful things,
But there are things more beautiful than me and you.

Recipe: Wispa La Bru

irn bruThe following recipe never fails to generate excitement, whether it’s served in a restaurant environment or whether it’s offered as breakfast in bed on Valentine’s Day. Simple, sexy and exquisite – as all food should be.

Ingredients: Wispa, Irn Bru, quarter litre gravy, lime, haddock.

The method:

1) Submerge a Wispa in Irn Bru for 40 mins.

2) Dip the Wispa slowly into gravy. Ideally you should use vegetarian gravy, but chicken or oyster gravy will suffice.

3) Chop into one-centimetre cubes.

4) Add a squeeze of lime.

5) Serve with haddock.

6) Tuck in.

Serves 4

Similar Recipes: Wispa La Fanta, Wispa La Orangina, Wispa La Tropicana, Wispa La Cherry Coke, Wispa La Lilt.

Ghosts of Meals Past

the hauntingThe meals they haunt the walls and floors,
It gives me angina and shivers.
The meals they lurk in stalls and doors,
They stalk the moors and rivers.

I hear the cod and hear the crisps,
And fear their cruel and dreadful deeds.
I sense the steak and sense the chips,
And know how they must ache to feed.

They pierce the belly of the dark.
The ghosts of meals past.